Blah LaLa – Page 9 – Personal blog

broken and expected to show up

To up and travel might be a lonelier kind of life.
Lonelier than nurturing the roots of my friendship here.
Or somewhere.

I am feeling like there is someone missing from my life.
And it feels so weird that I should keep writing, when no one gets in touch.… Read the rest

a break from my favourites

I still don’t feel like I belong in my neighbourhood this year.

Feel like I gotsta get out and explore the world.

Can’t spend this year revisiting old favourites in this city.

Just gotta stand up and make it happen – no matter what it takes!… Read the rest

real life high

Something has lifted overnight.

And now, I want a ‘real life high’. I want to do something in my world that will lift the roof off my mood.

Because I am back to baseline, perhaps.

A morning coffee is a little bit of that.… Read the rest

not ok

It is me.
I am the one who is ‘effing this up’.
Have been doing so for years.… Read the rest

facing the forces that shaped me

I am supposed to be at the coast, right?
That is where I think you want me to be.
(or somewhere else)…
And my parents believe that I should be here.
So, going to stay with them would be like a strange schism of sorts.… Read the rest

quiet day

it feels so quiet without Astro in my world.

And I am feeling ashamed.

Maybe I should turn my back.
The grief associated with that action runs deep – but that is to be expected, i suppose.

It is nice to have a day when i don’t feel torn.… Read the rest

school

What about school?

I want to go back to school this year, perhaps.

Studying what?! For what purpose. I know these are decisions I need to make, but the electronic noise is so confusing today.

This feels like no way to live.… Read the rest

soul shadows

I guess it feels like there are all these loose threads.

And I have been engaging in ways that are not based in physical reality.

So I have no real information about which direction to turn.

And these relationships are not even the most important thing in my world.… Read the rest

so stuck right now

yes. . . This *is bullshit.

I am slowly but surely sliding into depression. And I don’t know how to rebuild my world.

I feel like I need help and you are (mostly) so far away.… Read the rest

lalila [3]

except that the \\\ promise of sleep once in bed is fraught with…danger, i guess. Some kind of psychological distress.

blahhhhhhhhhhh

31/1/2026 – 2:27 AM – ‘thank feck that is over!’… Read the rest