(page 10)

in absence

I would do anything to climb into a hug today.

Time has become some kind of hard edge.

All these years are buried beneath the surface of my mood.

I just want to be close.

The gaslighting has no explanation.… Read the rest

a missing piece

There is also a rather large pink elephant in the room.

I am not going to name it right now, because it isn’t my style.

But I am noticing it, and it doesn’t feel all that healthy if I am honest!… Read the rest

logical assumption

‘Oh well’???

If the particular flavour of terror that my mind opens up to most mornings these days is anything to go by, I have made another stupid mistake. (It could just be hormones).

If I could get angry I would say that the reasoning behind this possible mistake was a very clear and undeniable indication that I simply would not be welcome there.… Read the rest

strange days

If I wasn’t listening to music with rapt attention would I be listening to someone telling a story?

The whole attachment situation is confusing, so I may simply refrain from comment.

Or just say – it is not exactly productive!… Read the rest

isolated any which way

Splats.

There is something sobering about a situation where it simultaneously feels like I have made a terrible mistake and ‘it is all in my head’.

So it feels like the world is about to fall apart, it is my fault and yet at the same time I am completely foolish, and unable to share my fears with another living soul.… Read the rest

nothing nasty

It feels weird in my body where they put the camera inside.

I bought some beer on the way home – to celebrate a completely normal result, but given how strange I am feeling after invasive surgery, I might have a cup of tea instead.… Read the rest