As someone who has little to no experience with the emotion of anger, the opportunity that comes with perimenopause is quite rewarding. The ‘big eff off’ energy is so interesting to me. It is energising in ways that I have never experienced a lot of before.… Read the rest
(page 22)
the sickening experience of late night social media
Social media leaves me feeling so conflicted sometimes. The strange mixture of people telling you how you should feel about yourself, friendships, relationships, work and life in little consumable quotes, videos or poems; combined with videos of people screaming at you about ways they want your money, and sometimes a funny joke, or maybe 1 or 2 posts from friends in one doom scrolling session.… Read the rest
not being aware of the rules of an environment
During the course of the past two days I have become a little more aware of the person I want to be.
I want to be the kind of person who is able to direct a conversation into a safe place that brings pride to the other person, and makes them feel like they are a little stronger to face the next challenge.… Read the rest
taking care or pushing through
I think there is a lot to be said for the capacity to gently and compassionately take care of ourselves.
Today, I took the day off from my support shift. I also did not work on the web beyond getting my ducks in a row for tomorrow.… Read the rest
the repercussions
I feel really sad. . . and I am crying, , , and I want a hug.
‘I am not surprised’ says Sol.
the shitty outcome
It has been a harder landing than usual, coming out of this latest psychosis. It has left me with a lot of sadness this time. I am grieving the person I was in person when I was in it, and reeling in horror at how I opened up my heart, soul and mind to people, who I now need to assume just want to hurt me, or at the best don’t care very much.… Read the rest
need something better
Is there something else that can be used to treat my psychotic disorder?! Because THIS is CRAP!!
As far as mental environments go, I am not sure I have ever felt quite so bad.
Maybe there is some kind of hormonal happening brewing.… Read the rest
reflection on that other world
Climb back into my shell I suppose.
My mum misses the way I would call all the time,
I miss reaching out to my dad, to my brother, to my friends.
If my financial infrastructure was in place,
And I had safety guards on my public or social media expression,
Perhaps I could live with one foot in that world.… Read the rest
the real world is lonely
Landing hard tonight. And notice that I am emotionally isolated from the people in my world again. I don’t know what is worse – feeling distant from people and the world, or the chaos, the excessive, colourful expression and my ‘otherworldly’ reality.… Read the rest
break, nother fook
Like a billiard table. Every time I put something out into this sphere, the energy shifts, and changes. One ball bouncing off another.
And the blessed (but unfortunate) way that expressing emotions takes away their intensity and their power.
What are these shifting energies.… Read the rest